It’s funny because I used to see my friends go through break-ups and I’d be there for them but in the back of my mind I’d be thinking ‘Why can’t you just pull yourself together?’ or ‘He was a d*ck anyway, surely you can see that you deserved so much better?’. And then it happened to me and I finally understood.

Now I’d had relationships not work out in the past and sure I was upset for a few weeks but it didn’t affect my day to day life. I’d just go on mate-dates instead of romantic ones, find a new person to text each day and book a holiday or event that I could look forward to instead.  It was never that serious.

When I was 26, I met the first person who I can wholeheartedly say I was in love with. We were inseparable for the first 6 months of our relationship and I honestly would have done anything for him. A year and a half later, my world came crashing down when he just woke up one day and decided he no longer wanted to be with me. I was absolutely desolate. I couldn’t understand how somebody who said they loved me the day before was now so cold towards me, he wouldn’t take my calls and he was bragging on social media about how he was now single. It was cruel and hurtful and I could not get my head around it.

I spent the next couple of months in a scary whirl of depression, I was constantly crying: whilst I was getting ready for work, whilst I was on the train to work, during my lunch breaks, as soon as I got home. It was not a nice place to be. It’s taken me a whole 18 months to realise that everything in life happens to teach you a lesson, and heartbreak will teach you the most invaluable of all.

Making Yourself A Priority Is Not Selfish

When you’re in a relationship, you have to take your significant other into consideration for anything you do and sometimes we forget to think about what we really want. I got completely lost in my relationship in that everything I was doing was for my other half: the career I chose was one that suited him, I stopped socialising with people he didn’t like and pretty much everything was on his terms. I can see now that it was an extremely unhealthy way of life but at the time I felt like that’s what I should be doing; trying to make him happy.

Since our breakup I’ve been able to prioritise myself more. I’ve learnt to say No to situations and relationships that no longer serve me or deserve me and I finally feel happy in myself and my choices. There’s nothing more satisfying than knowing where your heart stands. It’s so easy, especially for girls, to over analyse situations and come to conclusion that everything was their fault. I know I did at first. But after some self-healing and evaluating what I want from my life, I was able to overcome these emotions and grow as a person.

Staying Friends Will Never Work

This is something I’ve never every really believed in. If you had genuine feelings for someone then you’re never going to be able to be just friends with them and okay with seeing them with other people. There are far too many complications and emotions tied to exes. You see them and instantly feel a tug of anger, fondness, resentment, joy and confusion. They could say something completely innocent to you and straight away you think they’re interested again.

Honestly, it’s best for your sanity if you maintain your distance. If you see them out, of course you can be friendly and civil but being best mates? That’s never going to work.

You Realise Who’s Really There For You

It’s funny because my ex and I had a lot of mutual friends, we worked and lived in the same area so it was inevitable.  Some of these I considered to be my closest pals and within the weeks that followed of our breaking up, I did not hear from a single one of those so-called ‘friends’. They didn’t check up on me to see if I was okay or how I was doing and that was another thing that crushed me; it was a double blow.

Looking back I can see that it’s made me stronger because I was finally able to see those relationships for what they were:  temporary.  My friendship circle now is one that is very small and I’ve very particular in how I let close to me., but at least I know that those in my circle can be trusted with absolutely anything.

Everything Will Be Okay In The End

Good old John Lennon. “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” I love this saying because it gives us something to hope for. No matter what challenges you’re going through in life, they’re all temporary. They’re nothing more than brief moments in your life’s journey and although might be shattering at the time, they are directing you on your journey to becoming a wiser, happier version of yourself.

I went through days were I felt like I would never feel okay again and believe me, these were some of the toughest days of my life. I had spent 2 years of my life devoted to somebody who I thought would be in my life forever. But I’ve come to realise that ‘forever’ doesn’t always mean forever. And that’s okay because some things were made to be temporary, and these are the things that will mould is into stronger, wiser people.

Real heart-break is shattering and I know it will never get easier, but learning how to look after yourself during the breakup will help you get through it. If you’re going through a hard time right now, please remember that you will come through this stronger and you will realise that everything will always turn out okay.